Taking a moment.

It's almost November of my Junior year in college.  A little bit crazy and hard to believe.  This semester has been flying by, and has been much more challenging work load wise than either of my semesters at Master's last year.  Each week has been filled with projects, papers, presentations along with the usual array of reading and other homework.  The Lord has been continually faithful though, even in the times where I've worked as hard as I could but still haven't gotten things done on time, He has been faithful to bless me with teachers who have been gracious.  With the semester being a little more than half way over I'm taking a step back to praise the Lord for His faithfulness and to sit for a moment in my dorm room (which is quiet at the moment), and to think on His glory. 

I'm taking a moment to laugh and praise the Lord that I'm in a place where there is this paradox that when it's 70 degrees outside in October it's exciting because it's "cold" enough to be classified as fall weather.  I can wear a scarf, tights with a skirt and my wonderfully wornout dusty pink cowgirl boots. Yes, it's Fall.

I'm taking a moment to thank the Lord for the imagination, because with it I can imagine it is actually cold outside.  The air is crisp and I'm in a cozy little cottage surrounded by Aspen trees vividly changing colors.  I can look out the front window and watch as I sip chai tea curled up in a blanket with my favorite book on my lap.  It's Fall. 

I'm taking a moment to think about home and remember all the Fall memories with my brother and friends growing up.  It always, always, always, would snow on Halloween.  And I would insist on planning all my brothers birthday parties.  Fall meant it was time to start dance classes again, and knit scarves with my mom. 

I'm taking a moment to praise the Lord for my room mate this semester, and how He knew in His wisdom and sovereignty that we would be room mates this semester, and walk through things together.  What a display of His love and grace.  I'll miss her next semester when she's in Israel, but I'm so excited for her!

In the midst of this semester where it's so busy it seems like each week just flies by I don't want to miss all the displays of God's goodness, greatness and glory all around me.  He's working even when I don't see it.  I'm often so blind and need to take a step back, to look, to taste and see that the Lord is good.  So even though this next week is crazy for me with midterms, projects, presents, oh and normal homework all due there is always a moment to stop, to see the Lord's glory, and to praise
Him.

Be still and wait.

 

 

Wait, He says, wait on Me, trust Me.

Though there seems to be no end to the gray skies,

remember My promises,

rest in My love.

Soon enough, My daughter,

I will lead you out of this valley and through this storm,

then you will be stronger still.

Until then wait through the storm;

the thunder and the downpour of rain.

Remember Me, keep your heart stayed on Me,

I am holding you, find peace in My embrace.

Rays of sunshine will soon break through the dreary clouds.

The trees will blossom and the flowers bloom after the downpour of rain.

Beauty will come from this storm.

In the meantime, My daughter,

Be still, wait, take heart, do not be afraid.

I am with thee.

 

 

"You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord God is an everlasting rock"

- Isaiah 26:3-4

 

"fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

- Isaiah 41:10

Grace with every step.

 

 

The first note plays as the song begins. She steps onto the stage.

Her arms in second position looking a l'epaule; an excitement and a joy fills her soul.

He has just redeemed her soul, washed her in His blood; she is new, she is whole.

Now her dance belongs to Him.

She steps out in faith with her first grande jette knowing He is with her every step. 

The music is bliss and she leaps as if she is on a cloud. 

She lands with grace as the music changes. 

She tiptoes to center stage. 

Her heart skips a beat because it's time for her most challenging step. 

Her fouettes are about to begin.

Her whip and spin are pefect until number sixteen. 

She slips and falls, but He is there to pick her up again.  She dances on.

The music changes again.  The drama and the crescendos in the music begins. 

She struggles to keep up with her music. 

The grande jette's and pirouettes move at a franatic pace. 

She dances with precision to the sound of violins rushing fiercely. 

Fear and anxiety start to fill the music and movement.

Every step seems to move faster and faster. 

Her weary heart can scarce take it in.

Just then the music slows and changes again.

The violins have slowed to a heart aching melancoly sound.

She begins to bourree across the stage and moves with emotion.

She feels her brokenness and has again come to her end;

utterly broken, the pain overwhelms, and fear engulfs her as the melody plays on.

Yet she knows there is hope. Though she sits in the ashes there is hope.

The song has not come to an end yet, there is still beauty in the dance because He holds her hand.

Her broken, weary, fearful, doubting heart she gives over to Him.

To her King the great I AM.

The only One who can make her whole and new again. 

The only One who can make her dance full of beauty, peace and joy again.

He is faithful; the Creator and source of beauty.

The One who has ordained her every step;

her every develope, pirouette, and grande jette.

He has held and kept her every step.

He has picked her up after every mistake, every bruise, and every blistered toe.

He has made her stronger and perfected her technique through those things.

Soon the sounds of crescendos and melancoly violins will cease. 

Hope will burst forth in the quiet joy of the pianos beautiful melody.

She will glide across the stage in a moment of pure beauty of extension, lines and grace.

As the sound of the last note plays she will end her dance in His embrace.

He will wipe every tear away and her heart will be forever satisfied in His presence.

Yet, until that moment while she is in the midst of her dance,

she mustn't forget the one who holds her,

every step in His love,

and who will carry her until the end.

He is faithful.

Her hope will not put her to shame. 

 

 

"Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." - Romans 5:2-5

 

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    His mercies never come to an end;
 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in Him.” 

 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
to the soul who seeks Him.
 It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord."

- Lamentations 3:22-26

I'd give it away, a million times over for His sake and for the sake of their little hearts...

 There is such a bittersweet flavor in the air of my life right now.  I'm getting ready to go back to Master's in a week and half, and I'm so excited! I'm looking forward to all my classes this semester, to seeing friends whom I have missed over the summer, to learn, to grow, to be humbled in so many ways again, and to see all the people I dearly love from my Bible study at PBC again.  That is the sweet part.  I'm honest to goodness looking forward to and excited about going back.  I'm even looking forward to the homework believe it or not. 

Yet at the same time there is this aching feeling about leaving "home" again, and saying goodbye to everyone from my home church, and my family.  Funny as it may seem to some people in so many ways the hardest most heart wrenching, tear jerking goodbye is to all the 3-6 year olds that I've had the privilege of teaching God's Word to for my churches Children's ministry this summer.  I cannot explain or fathom the love I have or the place in my heart these children and their families have.  All I can say is that it is a gift from God Himself, because I certainly don't have the capacity for it in my mere humanness.  I spent so much of my summer, and even much of my time last year at school praying for and thinking about these dear little souls (I had the joy and privilege of teaching the same group before I left for school a year ago.)  I pray so often for their little souls, and for their families, their parents.  I'm humbled over and over again at the privilege I have to have some part in their little lives. 

My heart nearly melts all the way to the floor at when they call me "Miss Willa," or even "Teacher."  I'm so humbled and tremble at the fact that God has entrusted me with this class of little ones to teach His Word to.  I'm humbled because I know that I am so inadequate for the job in so many ways, and I'm humbled because I'm teaching His holy Word.  I rightly should tremble at that fact.  Preparing to teach them is a means of God's grace because its a reminder how utterly dependent on Him I am for all things, because I know I have to beg for His Holy Spirit to guide me to rightly teach and divide His Word, and I'm accountable to God and His Word for how I teach them.  It's incredibly humbling.  But with all my heart I love these kids.  I love when I see them sharing, caring for each other, and telling to me with much enthusiasm just how big Jesus is.  I love when I ask who wants to pray at snack time and 3 of them excitedly volunteer.  His glory and beauty is displayed so many times in their little lives. I love their joy, their love, and their curiuosity.  I love and it is the pure joy of my heart to teach them.  They have so much of my heart.  I have happily given much of it away to them.  I have poured it out and I'd do it again in an instant and a thousand times over! So even though it hurts so much to have to leave and say goodbye to them, especially because I seriously fear that they might forget me before I come back,  I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  The truth is that God loves each and every one of them more than I ever could.  The love He's given me for them is unexplainable to me, and it's truly the joy of my heart to serve Him in that way, but He loves them infinitely more than I ever could. 

This past Sunday was my last Sunday of teaching them before I go back to school, and afterwards I couldn't help but cry, and I've cried again since them because I don't want to say goodbye.  I know it hurts more because I'm leaving part of me with them, but I keep thinking about this verse "For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it." (Mark 8:35).  The utmost desire in my heart has always been for God's name to be made great among these little ones and for them to come to true saving faith in Him.  So I think in many ways part of "losing my life" for Him is being willing to pour into the lives of these little ones with all my heart, and then trusting Him when I have to say goodbye, even if it's just for a season.  Loving on, teaching and pouring into these children has been such a lesson that God brings people and opportunities in and out of my life depending on each season.  He is always good and His plan is always beautiful and good.  My heart has to be one that is willing to pour into others for His sake and the sake of the gospel, and to trust Him when I have to say goodbye.  It's so hard, and I literally feel like I'm leaving behind most of my heart with a group of precious 3-6 year olds, but it's absolutely worth it for His name's sake and the gospels sake.  I'd do it again, in a heart beat. 

Sunbeams, snapshots to tuck away for a rainy day...

There are some moments, some memories that I just want to take a snap shot of and put it in a special place to save it for a rainy day.  They are the ones that I will probably never really forget, and the ones that I hide away in my heart for a rainy day.  All these moments, all these memories are displays of God's love and grace, and I'm overwhelmed by the number of them that I have from the last few weeks.  They may not mean hardly anything to you, but I'm going to write them down anyway.

Here's just a few.  Playing hide and seek after service in the church sanctuary with a group of kids who have so much of my heart.  Who knew that would be so much fun! God has given me such a love for these precious little souls that I cannot really explain or fathom, but I pray for them continually and it makes my heart hurt to think of leaving them when I go back to school in a few weeks.  A church camp out where one family in particular took me in, shared their campsite and food with me, and I got to share in the joy of watching them spend time together as a family.  It brought joy to my heart to watch them slide down a "rock slide" into a picturesque swimming place in a river.  Climbing rocks up a river with someone who is seriously my little brother in so many ways.  Playing Lord of the Rings risk, sleeping on absolutely hard ground, star gazing, and singing worship songs by a campfire. 

Laughing with my family and debating between olive or gray Tom's for a ridiculous amount of time, much of it taking place in a grocery store in Forks Washington.  Finding my pet rock Elizabeth with my family, running on the beach with my brother, and being able to go on a family vacation again.  Having the blessing of being able to surprise someone incredibly dear to my heart with flowers and dark chocolate.  Watching Tangled with my precious little cousin from Thailand, and praying about the Land of Smiles. Being part of more than one family.  Making a certain special pie for someone equally as special. Being called Willa Vanilla Bean or Miss Willa. Reading Ephesians in the sunshine on the bridge of a river.  Being captivated by a book about a girl who gave up everything for the sake of Christ and others. Making tacos for my family the night they returned home from their trip. Laughing so hard my abs literally hurt, courtesy of my "little brother".

 Spending the summer with my family, and my church family.  I could go on, but I think that's enough for now.  Words can't rightly express my love for my family, my church family, and the children I'm privileged to teach Sunday school to.  The love of the body of Christ has been so clearly displayed so many ways to me in the last couple weeks, and that's a work of God.  Amazing. And words cannot nearly come close to express the immense way God has displayed His love and glory through all these things.  I love this quote by Jonathan Edwards:

“God is the highest good of the reasonable creature. The enjoyment of Him is our proper; and is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Better than fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of any, or all earthly friends. These are but shadows; but the enjoyment of God is the substance. These are but scattered beams; but God is the sun. These are but streams; but God is the fountain. These are but drops, but God is the ocean.” 

All these things that I have just listed are merely scattered beams.  They point to something greater, and the only way I can rightly enjoy them is to know that God is the source.  The enjoyment of Him as Edwards has so eloquently said, is so very much sweeter than any of these things, however dear they are to my heart, God is still dearer.  I praise Him for all these sunbeams because they are a displayed of His rich love, grace and glory.  It is true that He lavishes us with His grace, and it is also true that is for the praise of His glory! So to Him be the glory and praise for all these things.  What wondrous love He's given.

Overwhelmed with thankfulness,

Willa

Great are His works.

Dear friendly world of blogging,
I can scarcely believe I have only about a month left of summer before I go back to start my Junior year at Master's.  I can honestly say that so far this summer has been far from what I expected, but I guess again I learn to heed the phrase "expect the unexpected".  ;)

You know those times when you feel like you're soaring, in awe, and feel such tight nearness with the Lord and things are going well? That's where I was at when I first got home this summer.  God had blessed me with a truly incredible semester where I learned so much, and I just felt like I was soaring, and I was so excited to see what He would do this summer.  Literally the day after I got home from school I got on my knees and I begged God to humble and refine me.  My wisdom and experience in the Christian life may not be much, but I certainly know enough, and know myself well enough to know that in the times of coming out of a season where God has worked mightily, and I've felt closer to Him than I ever have before that pride can rear it's ugly head, and quickly too.  So I prayed God would humble me, refine me, and make me a weak thing so that His glory could be more greatly displayed. 

Well, you know what God was VERY faithful to answer that prayer, and quickly too.  Very timely He provided at job for me at a little general store and deli place less than five minutes from my house.  And if you knew where I lived you would know that the fact that it was so close to my house was almost a miracle in itself (I basically live at the foot of a mountain).  I had been praying for that specific job, because I thought it would be so much fun.  I was picturing myself working in a cheerful little store and deli, and meeting all kinds of happy vacationing people who want to enjoy the beauty of the northern California mountains.  Needless to say it didn't quite turn out that way at all.  I did not realize that part of my job would be selling lottery tickets, nor did I realize that the majority of the people who would come in would be either very sad looking eldery people who would spend a ridiculous amount of money on the lottery, or unhappy eldery people who would want to know my whole life story and complain about all the "local gossip." Then on top of that were the creepy and inappropriate comments I would get because I'm a young woman.  Now, if that wasn't enough to be far from what I expected it turned out that all my coworkers were older woman, two of whom did not get along at all, and one of whom did not like me at all either even though I'd honestly done nothing to earn her dislike.  She was a very unhappy person, and I never heard a positive word come out of her mouth.  It was so sad.

 So, as you can imagine my job was very difficult and challenging.  I was also working the opening shift, which threw my whole sleep schedule off so it made for me feeling tired almost all the time.  As all this began to unfold, and I saw my summer turning in a direction far from what I had wanted or expected it was much harder to trust and praise the Lord, then it had been when I had first gotten home from school and all things were going well.  And in the midst of it I had forgotten what I had prayed just the day after I got home from school, so I did not see how God was working to answer exactly what I had prayed.  I began to really struggle with having joy, and I was often frustrated thinking "why Lord, why this job? This isn't how my summer was supposed to turn out." I was struggling to trust His goodness, and I complained sometimes verbally, but more so in my heart.  And it did not please God, thankfully He was gracious to convict me quickly and turn my heart continually back to Him.  In His goodness, grace and immense love He reminded me of what I had prayed at the beginning of the summer, and showed me just how He was being so faithful to answer it.  Even though my job really was pretty awful God sustained me through it, He sustained me through the tiredness, He showed me the true sadness and emptiness of a life lived without knowing Him, He convicted my heart even more for a compassion and love for the lost, He showed His love and grace in ways that I would not have seen or known if I hadn't had that job, as crummy as the job itself might have been, and I know He will continue to show His love and grace by renewing and restoring my mind from all the yuck I heard while working there. 

He has been faithful, even when I did not trust in Him, because it is who He is and He does not change, praise Him for that.  He has displayed His love, grace and goodness to me even more intimately by sustaining me, protecting me, and letting me see just how faithfully He answers prayer.  If that isn't enough in His goodness and sovereignty He has provided a way for me to go on a trip with my family this summer.  I didn't think I was going to get to go on any trips this summer, and since June my heart has been aching to be able to go on a family vacation, because those are some of the sweetest times I have had with my family.  God in His love has made that possible, and in His perfect timing He's given it to me now, when I'm finished working for the summer, and truly look forward to a week with my family and time to spend away, to rest, and to refresh at His feet away from the usual routine.  It is His perfect timing, and such a display of His love and grace! I look forward to this next week in one of the most beautiful regions, that I love dearly (the Oregon and Washington coast) with my family.

 Hmmm, He is so good! Just thought I'd give you an update on my summer.  I love this quote by John MacArthur, "How magnificent of a revelation does it take for you to be “awestruck” at God’s splendor and glory? What simple, basic, everyday things are ready examples of His greatness, though disguised as something ordinary and insignificant?" I don't want to miss His greatness and glory displayed, I want to be in awe, because He daily displays His greatness and glory.  Oh for grace for eyes to see it, and for a heart that continually seeks it!

"Great are the works of the Lord,
studied by all who delight in them."
-Psalm 111:2

Joyfully, Willa

Praising God for the first year at Master's & being back home for the summer.

Well evidently I haven't written anything since Christmas break, and God has done SO much since then so I'll try to kinda summarize a little.  Praising God for it all.

February:

This semester I took Intro to Biblical Counseling.  Oh. My. Goodness. I wish everyone could take that class! I would seriously leave and just be in awe of God, the gospel, His Word, the Holy Spirit, everything! I couldn't even really put into words everything I was learning, and I still can't.  What's so amazing is that even though He has taught me so much through that class He is STILL GREATER, because He is infinite.  I could have moments like that every second for the rest of life, and for eternity and I still wouldn't come anywhere close to comprehending Him, because He is infinite.  SO amazing! Anyway, a huge thing God taught me through that class was about idolatry.  We read through Idols of the Heart by Elyse Fitzpatrick and I seriously recommend that book to anyway.  It'll blow your mind in the best way possible.  One thing that was a huge theme that God was teaching me this month in particular is that He is worthy of worship, and I'm worshipping all the time.  Whether I'm worshipping Him or an idol of my own making.  It's sobering.  It's all about worship of Him.  One verse that I really thought about during February was Romans 11:36, "For from Him, through Him, and to Him are all things to Him be glory forever. Amen."

March:

Wow.  How do I even begin to summarize? The Lord revealed to me a truth that I had heard but hadn't really understand in a personal way, which seems funny because it's such an essential part of the gospel.  All the sudden for the first time I ever I began to think about the fact that because of the gospel, and Christ's atoning work I have been set free from sin! He said "it is finished" He conquered sin and death! I read through Romans 6 a lot, and was amazed.  I felt like all the sudden my thinking about how sin and sanctifcation and struggling in general was all the sudden revolutionized! I began to really think about the reality that Christ has freed me from sin.  I am not a slave to it anymore.  I'm free from sin, and now a slave to Him.  When I sin I'm choosing it, and I'm choosing to place myself under the bondage of sin, when Christ has set me free from it.  My mind is still whirring thinking about this truth.  All of Romans 6 amazed me, but in particular Romans 6:20-23 struck me,

 "For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

April:

I was so blessed this month.  I got to spend Easter weekend in Carpenteria with my friends Jessy and Rachel from school.  It was SUCH a blessing.  I felt like the Lord really grabbed my heart that weekend, and showed me areas that I really needed to deal with, and to worship Him more wholly.  For my Old Testament class I was working on summarizing the book of Isaiah which was AWESOME.  It went perfectly along with everything I was learning about idolatry in my Intro to Counseling class.  It's all about worship.  God created us to worship Him, He is worthy, and there is nothing sweeter than delighting in and knowing Him intimately.  That's what He wanted from Israel but because of their idolatry He punished Him, but then He promised them comfort and peace.  I'm not even doing it justice in my explanation but just read Isaiah and God's Word will speak for itself.  A few verses in particular that God really used this month to teach me were Philippians 4:11-13,

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

There were a lot of circumstances and things going on, and honestly I was struggling with being content.  It was hard, but the Lord kept bringing that verse to mind. 

Another verse that I thought was incredible and encouraged me to trust the Lord was Isaiah 26:3-4,

"You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord God is an everlasting rock"

May:

The semester was winding down, and the Lord did something AMAZING. For the whole year I had been wanting to do research on ministries that reach out to human trafficking and prostitution, whether in the US or not, and through a few school projects I started researching a little bit.  Along with that I really started to think about Thailand, and the world in general.  The Lord's plan of redemption is universal! It's big! All the sudden I had this strong desire in my heart to learn more about Human trafficking, and Thailand, and to go there.  I have no idea what the Lord will do with all this, but all I know is I have been praying so much and have already started researching more.  Regardless I know He will use it in an amazing way, because that is how God works.  Regardless of whether I go to Thailand or not.  Right now I'm just praying that He will make my will and my desires His own, and that He would direct and guide me. I'm excited though because He is so good! It's been heart breaking to read about Human trafficking statistics in Thailand, but what's incredible is that the gospel is the power to save, and so I just keep praying God will make His Word known in that nation and specifically to the women and children who are trafficked with literally no hope. Revelation 5:9 has been on my heart,

"And they sang a new song, saying,

“Worthy are you to take the scroll
and to open its seals,
for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God
from every tribe and language and people and nation,"

Love.  He will save out of every tribe, tongue, people and nation. And we will one day all be praising Him before the throne. 

I'm just so excited to see what the Lord will do.  I'm praying He continues to humble, prune, and refine me, because I know I desperately need it! I started to read "Through the Gates of Splendor" by Elisabeth Elliot and that has been great so far, and I'm SUPER excited because I also got the biography she wrote on Amy Carmichael and I can hardly wait to read it.  Well dear blogging friends, if you think of it pray for me.  Pray the Lord continues to humble me, make me a weak thing, and breaks me down so that His power and glory can be displayed through me.  And pray for Thailand, pray His name would be made great among the nations, and that the gospel would be proclaimed.  Praise Him for the hope we have in Him. 

"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the clouds." <3 Psalm 36:5

She smiles at the time to come...

The thing I like about New Years is the time to reflect on all God has done over the last year.  This New Years Eve I was blessed to spend it making a sort of scrapbook banner of the year.  It was so sweet to see the Lord's faithfulness throughout the whole year.  You know what was so sweet about the whole thing; as I was making this banner, looking at all the pictures, writing out some of the specific verses from scripture that have really stuck out to me this year, all the sudden I was seriously overlwhelmed at God's faithfulness and His goodness.  I wrote in my last blog post about how my first semester at TMC wasn't what I expected, which is true, but you know what God has really blessed me in incredible ways that I wouldn't have imagined.  So I was working on my little project I was so thankful to the Lord for this last year.  For all the bumps in the road, the joys, and the new experiences.  For the Fall semester I was specifically thankful for Outreach Week, being able to study in depth the Proverbs 31 passage in my Home Ec class, and for the sweet girls God has brought into my life as friends.  It's so amazing how taking a moment to reflect on the year can change your perspective on things, because you see God at work.  It was such a gift from the Lord!

I'm getting all ready to go back to school a week from tomorrow for the spring semester.  Making packets of home made instant oatmeal, home made trail mix, ordering my books, and buying school supplies.  As I do all that I'm also thinking and praying about goals/things to work on with dependence on God's grace for the semester.  I know for certain one of them is thankfulness.  Looking back on last semester and even being home I see how much I can complain, and not merely in a verbal sense but in my heart.  It's my prayer for the semester that I purpose to be thankful, but that it is a genuine thankfulness to the Lord, not a stoic "I need to be thankful" attitude that really isn't genuine so really is pointless in the end.  I know that this takes dependence on God's grace, because it's so easy to either complain or take the stoic, legalistic, completely unheartfelt approach to thankfulness.  But as Carolyn Mahaney says, "grace is power, not just pardon." So praise the Lord that He has given me His Spirit, and power through His grace! One thing I did to work on this practically is I made a "thankfulness jar", to put scripture verses, and things I'm thankful for in when I'm tempted to grumble, and to look through in times of discouragement. 

My other goal for the semester is to get more involved at PBC.  And what's so amazing about that is over break I've had contact with a few people from there and God is already answering that prayer! So I'm excited to see what this next semester will hold! One thing that has really stuck with me from my Home Ec class about the Proverbs 31 woman is in verse 25 it says, "she laughs at the time to come" (or some translations say "she smiles at the time to come").  I learned from that class that what it means is that she is not afraid of the future.  She can smile at the future, because she is prepared, but ultimately because she trusts in her God.  That verse challenges me often, and I praise the Lord for His living active Word, because sometimes its hard to smile at the future right? My prayer is that by God's grace I'll be reminded of that verse often and that I will smile at the future, at this upcoming semester, preparing myself for it in the ways that I should, but not having a bunch of expectations of exactly what it will be like, instead trusting in the Lord because He is good! He keeps reminding me of that! He is good, and His ways, His plans (not mine), are PERFECT.  Praise Him that He is the all wise sovereign God, and that He is our patient, loving, heavenly Father. 

Stay encouraged!

Joyfully,

Willa

A Semester Summed Up...

Well, here I am, back home for Winter break after my first semester at The Master's College.  It's quite strange being back home, because in some ways it feels like I never left, but at the same time everything feels so different.  All I know is that in this season of my life I've been more thankful for God's immutability than I ever have been before.  This first semester at TMC was so extremely different than what I would have ever expected and SO different than what I had anticipated.  Needless to say the Lord has been teaching me a lot. 

I went to TMC thinking I'm going to instantly make great friends and we're going to instantly have these amazing relationships where all we talk about is the Lord, I'm not going to struggle with fear of man anymore, I'm going to instantly be serving and feeling at home at church, I won't be the least bit home sick, I'm not going to struggle with contentment, or with trusting the Lord.  So pretty much I, in my pride, thought everything would be perfect and that I would be perfect.  Oh boy did the Lord humble me.  I didn't instantly make great and amazing friends (in reality who does? wouldn't I have thought maybe friendships like the ones I had back home take time to grow?) I was struggling with fear of man probably more than ever, either that or I was just much more aware of it.  I didn't not feel at home at church, even though it was a good church, and I missed HBC like crazy every Sunday.  And I think one of the hardest things that for some reason I did not expect was this; I was so INCREDIBLY home sick and I felt completely out of place.  I struggled all semester with being content and trusting the Lord with where He had me. And then on top of that I was annoyed that I was even struggling in that area because I thought to myself "WILLA! You're at the Master's College for goodness sake!? Your majoring in Home Ec! Isn't this what you've wanted so badly to do for the last 3 years of your life!?" In my wisdom, which in my mind was obviously superior, everything was spinning madly out of control.  And it wasn't at all what I expected. 

In the midst of all this I think I forgot about how for many months leading up to leaving for TMC I had been praying that the Lord would humble me.  I knew and sensed that there was much pride in my heart, and I prayed for humility, but I had no idea just how much pride was and is in my heart.  And I didn't expect it to be so painful.  But all semester long through all the struggles, the unexpected, the home sickness, and me seeing my own sin more clearly than I have in a long time the Lord was faithful, and He was gracious.  Having time to look back and reflect over break I see His work more and more.  He was and still is teaching me that His ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55:9).  He was and still is teaching me that I daily need to depend on His grace and His strength, instead of being wise in my own eyes and trying to do everything in the way that I think is best.  He was and is still teaching me to trust Him.  To be content with wherever He has me, because His plans and purposes are good, and honestly who am I to question Him? (Job 38). 

Having a moment to breathe, pause, and reflect on the semester had also reminded me (because I often forgot in the midst of all the "unexpected") of the privilege and absolute gift from the Lord it is to be able to study at the Master's College.  Now that doesn't mean it's a perfect place and that my life there will be perfect, if there is one thing I've learned from my first semester it's that, but I'm still so privileged to study somewhere that holds God's Word in highest authority, and where every class is saturated with it.  Praise the Lord that I loved all my classes this first semster and am even more excited about the ones I am taking in the Spring!

So, in summary I could say "expect the unexpected." haha.  In reality, I'm so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness, and His grace! He is so gracious, and it's only by His grace alone that I have been learning any of these things.  It's by His grace that He is humbling me, because trust me, I'm still such a prideful girl.  But He is humbling me by His grace and praise Him for that because I need it every single day even though it's often painful.  There is so much more I could write about all the things the Lord in His grace & faithfulness has been teaching me, but I think this blog post has probably become long enough.  Anyway, if you think of it pray that the Lord would continually humble me, teach me to depend on Him, and teach more to love Him more each day. Believe me, I'm desperately in need of His grace each day for all those things.  Praise the Lord that He is at work, that He is faithful and gracious!
Joyfully,

Willa

Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free...

Hello dear blogging friends,

Well I'm here at the Master's College. The Lord is good! It's been a crazy first three weeks or so.  Adjusting to living away from home for the first time, meeting new people, figuring out what church to call "home", going to classes, and attempting to stay on top of homework.  God has been very gracious to me though, He's been teaching me so much, I'm a blessed girl. 

One over arching thing He has really been teaching me from His Word, through conversations with people I have met, and in sermons the last couple weeks is the depth of His love.  Dear friends, it may seem like an odd thing to some of you who have maybe walked with the Lord for a long time, but I have realized that in my short almost 3 years of being a Christian I have scarcely really stopped to think about the dept of God's love.  Yes, I thought about it during the first moments when the Spirit enlightened my eyes, and God saved me, and I thought about it in the weeks, and maybe few months after that.  However, as time went on I stopped thinking about it on a regular basis.  I did not realize the effect of this "forgetting" had done to my soul until this summer.  God first started to reveal it to me during the Resolved conference in June when C.J. Mahaney preached a sermon from Jude, and the topic was on God's love, and how when we doubt God's love for us, it grieves Him more than anything else.  That was when God first began to remind me to focus on His deep love. 

So now, in these first few weeks at Master's that has been the huge thing God has been teaching me, and working in my heart.  I realized that I do not understand God's love, and that I do so often struggle with believing that God really does love me.  I try to base everything off myself and my performance for Him, because I want to be independent, and I want to be able to boast in my own stregnth.  I'm a prideful girl.  I have confessed this sin to the Lord, asked for forgiveness, and asked for Him to transform this area of my life.  Because I know that without the power of His Spirit and without a total dependence of Him I won't be able to change.  I do know that in Philippians it says to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, BUT it says right afterward that it is God who works in me both to will and work for His good pleasure.  So, with so much dependence on His grace, and His Spirit I have been reading Ephesians, specifically focusing on Chapters 1-3, as well as 1 Peter, and specifically asking that God would remind me of the depth of His love, and help me to believe it with all my heart! I know that the depth of His love is displayed in the gospel, so along with that I've been reading a book that my RA here so graciously lent me called "Because He loves me", and in it the author says we must remind ourselves of the gospel in our daily lives.  Remind ourselves of Christ incarnation, His sinless life, His death, His resurrection, and the fact that He now reigns and is coming back for His own! So my dear friends, by His grace I've been reminding myself of that as often as I can, but I still struggle! So please if you think of it be praying for me. 

How or why would I doubt or struggle so much with God's love for me, when He before the foundation of the world purposed to love me, and save me, and CRUSH His Son pouring out the wrath that I deserved on Him on the cross.  Why I would doubt His love I do not know! My faith is weak! And it frustrates me greatly! I'm thankful to the Lord though because I know He is at work, I'm clinging to His promise in Philippians 1:6 that He will bring to completion the work that He has begun.  I have to admit that I so often find myself relating well with Paul when he says in Romans "Oh wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" I can totally relate to that, but the glorious thing is the following verses;

^"25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin

¹There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"

(Romans 7:24-25, 8:1)

If you think of it please do be praying for me as I struggle in this area.  I no longer want to grieve the Lord by so often doubting His love for me, when it is so obviously displayed in the gospel! Also, please do pray for wisdom and guidance for me as to which church to make my "home" church while hear at school.  There are two that I'm so very torn between right now! One of which I'm more inclined to than the other, but I'm also still torn, and don't want to make hasty decision.  I'm so thankful God gives wisdom and guidance when we ask for it, because I definitely need it!

Blessings my dear friends.  Here are some verses that have left me amazed lately;

^"14For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, ¹⁵from whom every family^[c] in heaven and on earth is named, ¹⁶that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, ¹⁸may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, ¹⁹and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

- Ephesians 3:14-19

" ³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, ⁵who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. ⁶In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, ⁷so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, ⁹obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

- 1 Peter 1:3-9

^"23Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, ²⁴but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.""

-Jeremiah 9:23-24

May God bless you, and may you know His love for you.

For His glory,

Willa

Great is Thy faithfulness...

Dear blogger friends,
Oh my how so much has happened since the last time we met! Well, I guess for starters, God TOTALLY ABUDANTLY GRACIOUS provided for me to attend the Master's College this Fall!! I still can't really believe it! The way He provided too was in itself amazing.  I never would've never been able to foresee it, but I guess that is how He works; in amazing, surprising, unforeseen ways! I'm still pretty much in awe.  In the last month I have pretty much been shopping for my dorm, planning my schedule for Fall, getting everything into TMC, and I've also been blessed to do a number of fun things with friends.  God has just been SO incredibly good to me! Praise His faithfulness! Throughout all that has been going on I've had a hard time expressing in words in my thankfulness, & my amazement at how AWESOME God is.  I'm really glad that God knows my heart so that I don't have to try to explain it. 

All I can say is that I'm so humbled, and grateful that He has held me firm by His grace since the time of my salvation.  That because of His work in my life I can honestly look back at the last nearly three years and not regret.  Not that I have been perfect, because I certainly haven't been.  I have struggled with sin every single day, but I can look back and not regret because of His grace, faithfulness, and work in my life.  He has held me firm, and has led me through every moment of it.  All praise & glory belongs to Him. 

One thing that has overwhelmed me, and honestly left me in an almost shock is, the other night I was trying to find in one of my old journals where I had first prayed about TMC.  I found an entry from March 29th 2010.  This is what I wrote in my journal....

"Alright, there is no point keeping anything inside any longer especially when the glorious, gracious holy Creator of the universe knows it all already, and He is infinitely wise.  Praise God that He sees the depth of my heart and loves me the same, for how deceitful my heart is! However, I will lay everything at the Lord's feet.  I desire so much to go to the Master's College and not in two years.  I want to go sooner like Fall 2011.  I want to go into the Home Economics program (I think) but I have no money and parents that are not excited about the idea.  Above all though I want to remember to seek the kingdom first and not to worry about whatever my future holds.  He provides, He sovereignly decrees all things for His glory and our good.  I want more than anything to be singularly fixated upon Christ and living for His glory." 

Wow.  Just wow.  Even now copying that down I'm still in awe at His faithfulness and infinite wisdom! What is so absolutely crazy about this is that I don't even remember praying to go to Master's in Fall 2011! I never remembered specifically praying that or writing it down.  March 29th was the only time I ever expressed that desire.  What is so incredible about that is that even though I forgot, God knew! He knew! And He was faithful to answer all of those prayers in the last year and a half! He totally changed my parents hearts toward me going to TMC.  He provided the money.  And more importantly He held my feet firm by His grace, keeping me fixated upon Christ & His kingdom! Honestly, this pretty much just blows my mind! All I can say is great, GREAT is His faithfulness!!

So friends, that is pretty much all I have to say.  Remember, remember that He really is faithful, REALLY!
Until next time (which will probably be when I'm down at Master's!!!!!!)
with love and joy,
Willa

p.s. Yet another display of God's faithfulness, is the picture that I posted at the top.  It was taken in June of 2010.  I briefly visited the TMC campus, but never thought that I'd ever actually be able to go there, oh how little did I know! :) God is amazing.

Rapunzel... still waiting to jump!

 

Dear blogging friends,
I know I haven't written in a while, but life since my last post has gone from one adventure to the next! Something happened in the last month that could possibly change my life drastically, and quite quickly, if the Lord wills it.  I applied for the Master's College at the beginning of June, intending on applying for the Spring 2012 semester.  Barely five days after I sent in my application a counselor from the school called me, and asked me if I was really trying to apply for Spring (I had thought the Fall deadline for applications had already passed, so I didn't even think about Fall) because I could still apply for Fall.  Now, when I got that phone call I felt like I was dreaming, though I'd sent in my application - with about 8 stamps on it, mind you - it still didn't really feel real.  Then suddenly I had someone calling me to ask if I wanted to apply for Fall instead.  I knew right away that, yes! Absolutely I wanted to apply for Fall. 

You see, it's been my desire to go Master's for about two years now to be apart of their Home Economics program from women based off of Titus 2, though I didn't always make that known to friends or sometimes even let it be known to myself, it has always been my desire.  Anyway, back to where I left off in the story, so I called and told them to put in my application for Fall.  Then about a week later, God so graciously blessed me with an acceptance letter for Fall 2011! When I opened that letter I was sure it wasn't real.  In fact after I opened it I read it really fast, then set it down and did the dishes.  I was sure it wasn't real, it just couldn't be.  After I finished the dishes I came back, looked at it again, and found that, yes it really was real.  Praise the Lord!!!!


All this to say, that God is doing an incredible work!!!! I still don't know exactly how it's going to pan out, because I'm waiting on stuff for financial aid.  However, through all this God has really been growing my trust in His sovereignty, and He has been working on the hearts of both of my parents.  A year and a half ago, they told me that Master's was absolutely out of the question, but now they are actually excited about it.  I have been praying for months for new opportunities to come up with my family, and God has most certainly answered that prayer.  Praise be to Him! Let alone the fact that He knew this desire in my heart, even when I didn't want to trust Him with it, and when I let fear of man keep me from applying over a year ago.  Needless to say, He is working! He's always working, but it's just awesome when you can see His work & faithfulness so clearly.  It's such a blessing.


Now, your probably wondering how the picture of Rapunzel from Tangled fits into this story.  Well a few months ago I had a rather silly conversation with one of my very dear friends, and the conversation consisted of us going around the table of our friends, and deciding which disney princess each friend most resembled.  When it came around to me, she stated that I was Rapunzel.  I laughed, and agreed with her.  So right now, at this exact moment in time, I can't help but feel like Rapunzel in Tangled during the scene where she's just about to jump out of her tower! Pascal jumps right away, but Rapunzel hesitates.  God has opened all the doors so far, and praise be to Him for that, I'm so thankful! I prayed for wisdom, direction, and clarity, and He has certainly been faithful to give it! But if I'm Rapunzel, I'm still waiting in my tower, I can't jump just yet. 


I still have to wait.  I have to wait and see how things pan out financially, and there's also the fact that maybe God has another plan, maybe I'm not supposed to jump out of my tower just yet.  I certainly hope it will be soon, and that it is His will for me to go to Master's in the Fall, but moreover I want my will to be His will.  I want God to use me in whatever way He pleases, and however this turns out I want my response to be praise to God who sent His Son to die a horrific death on a cross for my sins, because no matter what I will always be better than I deserve, infinitely blessed, & can take joy in knowing that the Lord reigns. May I not forget that!  So, yes if I'm Rapunzel, until it is clear, until I've stuck my toes outside the tower to test the air, I won't yet jump out of my tower to explore the world below.  In the meantime I'll continue to pray my heart out, and wait upon the Lord.  If I may ask dear blogging friends if you will pray for me? I'd appreciate it so much, and most certainly need it.  May God's will be done in all of this! Praise His goodness & faithfulness! I hope you all are feeling blessed to the brim, as my Titus 2 "mom" would say! 
Joyfully,
Willa

I can't help but sing this song right now, "Take my life, and let it be"......

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise.

Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold,
Not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.