Well, here I am, back home for Winter break after my first semester at The Master's College. It's quite strange being back home, because in some ways it feels like I never left, but at the same time everything feels so different. All I know is that in this season of my life I've been more thankful for God's immutability than I ever have been before. This first semester at TMC was so extremely different than what I would have ever expected and SO different than what I had anticipated. Needless to say the Lord has been teaching me a lot.
I went to TMC thinking I'm going to instantly make great friends and we're going to instantly have these amazing relationships where all we talk about is the Lord, I'm not going to struggle with fear of man anymore, I'm going to instantly be serving and feeling at home at church, I won't be the least bit home sick, I'm not going to struggle with contentment, or with trusting the Lord. So pretty much I, in my pride, thought everything would be perfect and that I would be perfect. Oh boy did the Lord humble me. I didn't instantly make great and amazing friends (in reality who does? wouldn't I have thought maybe friendships like the ones I had back home take time to grow?) I was struggling with fear of man probably more than ever, either that or I was just much more aware of it. I didn't not feel at home at church, even though it was a good church, and I missed HBC like crazy every Sunday. And I think one of the hardest things that for some reason I did not expect was this; I was so INCREDIBLY home sick and I felt completely out of place. I struggled all semester with being content and trusting the Lord with where He had me. And then on top of that I was annoyed that I was even struggling in that area because I thought to myself "WILLA! You're at the Master's College for goodness sake!? Your majoring in Home Ec! Isn't this what you've wanted so badly to do for the last 3 years of your life!?" In my wisdom, which in my mind was obviously superior, everything was spinning madly out of control. And it wasn't at all what I expected.
In the midst of all this I think I forgot about how for many months leading up to leaving for TMC I had been praying that the Lord would humble me. I knew and sensed that there was much pride in my heart, and I prayed for humility, but I had no idea just how much pride was and is in my heart. And I didn't expect it to be so painful. But all semester long through all the struggles, the unexpected, the home sickness, and me seeing my own sin more clearly than I have in a long time the Lord was faithful, and He was gracious. Having time to look back and reflect over break I see His work more and more. He was and still is teaching me that His ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55:9). He was and still is teaching me that I daily need to depend on His grace and His strength, instead of being wise in my own eyes and trying to do everything in the way that I think is best. He was and is still teaching me to trust Him. To be content with wherever He has me, because His plans and purposes are good, and honestly who am I to question Him? (Job 38).
Having a moment to breathe, pause, and reflect on the semester had also reminded me (because I often forgot in the midst of all the "unexpected") of the privilege and absolute gift from the Lord it is to be able to study at the Master's College. Now that doesn't mean it's a perfect place and that my life there will be perfect, if there is one thing I've learned from my first semester it's that, but I'm still so privileged to study somewhere that holds God's Word in highest authority, and where every class is saturated with it. Praise the Lord that I loved all my classes this first semster and am even more excited about the ones I am taking in the Spring!
So, in summary I could say "expect the unexpected." haha. In reality, I'm so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness, and His grace! He is so gracious, and it's only by His grace alone that I have been learning any of these things. It's by His grace that He is humbling me, because trust me, I'm still such a prideful girl. But He is humbling me by His grace and praise Him for that because I need it every single day even though it's often painful. There is so much more I could write about all the things the Lord in His grace & faithfulness has been teaching me, but I think this blog post has probably become long enough. Anyway, if you think of it pray that the Lord would continually humble me, teach me to depend on Him, and teach more to love Him more each day. Believe me, I'm desperately in need of His grace each day for all those things. Praise the Lord that He is at work, that He is faithful and gracious!
Joyfully,
