I'd give it away, a million times over for His sake and for the sake of their little hearts...

 There is such a bittersweet flavor in the air of my life right now.  I'm getting ready to go back to Master's in a week and half, and I'm so excited! I'm looking forward to all my classes this semester, to seeing friends whom I have missed over the summer, to learn, to grow, to be humbled in so many ways again, and to see all the people I dearly love from my Bible study at PBC again.  That is the sweet part.  I'm honest to goodness looking forward to and excited about going back.  I'm even looking forward to the homework believe it or not. 

Yet at the same time there is this aching feeling about leaving "home" again, and saying goodbye to everyone from my home church, and my family.  Funny as it may seem to some people in so many ways the hardest most heart wrenching, tear jerking goodbye is to all the 3-6 year olds that I've had the privilege of teaching God's Word to for my churches Children's ministry this summer.  I cannot explain or fathom the love I have or the place in my heart these children and their families have.  All I can say is that it is a gift from God Himself, because I certainly don't have the capacity for it in my mere humanness.  I spent so much of my summer, and even much of my time last year at school praying for and thinking about these dear little souls (I had the joy and privilege of teaching the same group before I left for school a year ago.)  I pray so often for their little souls, and for their families, their parents.  I'm humbled over and over again at the privilege I have to have some part in their little lives. 

My heart nearly melts all the way to the floor at when they call me "Miss Willa," or even "Teacher."  I'm so humbled and tremble at the fact that God has entrusted me with this class of little ones to teach His Word to.  I'm humbled because I know that I am so inadequate for the job in so many ways, and I'm humbled because I'm teaching His holy Word.  I rightly should tremble at that fact.  Preparing to teach them is a means of God's grace because its a reminder how utterly dependent on Him I am for all things, because I know I have to beg for His Holy Spirit to guide me to rightly teach and divide His Word, and I'm accountable to God and His Word for how I teach them.  It's incredibly humbling.  But with all my heart I love these kids.  I love when I see them sharing, caring for each other, and telling to me with much enthusiasm just how big Jesus is.  I love when I ask who wants to pray at snack time and 3 of them excitedly volunteer.  His glory and beauty is displayed so many times in their little lives. I love their joy, their love, and their curiuosity.  I love and it is the pure joy of my heart to teach them.  They have so much of my heart.  I have happily given much of it away to them.  I have poured it out and I'd do it again in an instant and a thousand times over! So even though it hurts so much to have to leave and say goodbye to them, especially because I seriously fear that they might forget me before I come back,  I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  The truth is that God loves each and every one of them more than I ever could.  The love He's given me for them is unexplainable to me, and it's truly the joy of my heart to serve Him in that way, but He loves them infinitely more than I ever could. 

This past Sunday was my last Sunday of teaching them before I go back to school, and afterwards I couldn't help but cry, and I've cried again since them because I don't want to say goodbye.  I know it hurts more because I'm leaving part of me with them, but I keep thinking about this verse "For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it." (Mark 8:35).  The utmost desire in my heart has always been for God's name to be made great among these little ones and for them to come to true saving faith in Him.  So I think in many ways part of "losing my life" for Him is being willing to pour into the lives of these little ones with all my heart, and then trusting Him when I have to say goodbye, even if it's just for a season.  Loving on, teaching and pouring into these children has been such a lesson that God brings people and opportunities in and out of my life depending on each season.  He is always good and His plan is always beautiful and good.  My heart has to be one that is willing to pour into others for His sake and the sake of the gospel, and to trust Him when I have to say goodbye.  It's so hard, and I literally feel like I'm leaving behind most of my heart with a group of precious 3-6 year olds, but it's absolutely worth it for His name's sake and the gospels sake.  I'd do it again, in a heart beat. 

Sunbeams, snapshots to tuck away for a rainy day...

There are some moments, some memories that I just want to take a snap shot of and put it in a special place to save it for a rainy day.  They are the ones that I will probably never really forget, and the ones that I hide away in my heart for a rainy day.  All these moments, all these memories are displays of God's love and grace, and I'm overwhelmed by the number of them that I have from the last few weeks.  They may not mean hardly anything to you, but I'm going to write them down anyway.

Here's just a few.  Playing hide and seek after service in the church sanctuary with a group of kids who have so much of my heart.  Who knew that would be so much fun! God has given me such a love for these precious little souls that I cannot really explain or fathom, but I pray for them continually and it makes my heart hurt to think of leaving them when I go back to school in a few weeks.  A church camp out where one family in particular took me in, shared their campsite and food with me, and I got to share in the joy of watching them spend time together as a family.  It brought joy to my heart to watch them slide down a "rock slide" into a picturesque swimming place in a river.  Climbing rocks up a river with someone who is seriously my little brother in so many ways.  Playing Lord of the Rings risk, sleeping on absolutely hard ground, star gazing, and singing worship songs by a campfire. 

Laughing with my family and debating between olive or gray Tom's for a ridiculous amount of time, much of it taking place in a grocery store in Forks Washington.  Finding my pet rock Elizabeth with my family, running on the beach with my brother, and being able to go on a family vacation again.  Having the blessing of being able to surprise someone incredibly dear to my heart with flowers and dark chocolate.  Watching Tangled with my precious little cousin from Thailand, and praying about the Land of Smiles. Being part of more than one family.  Making a certain special pie for someone equally as special. Being called Willa Vanilla Bean or Miss Willa. Reading Ephesians in the sunshine on the bridge of a river.  Being captivated by a book about a girl who gave up everything for the sake of Christ and others. Making tacos for my family the night they returned home from their trip. Laughing so hard my abs literally hurt, courtesy of my "little brother".

 Spending the summer with my family, and my church family.  I could go on, but I think that's enough for now.  Words can't rightly express my love for my family, my church family, and the children I'm privileged to teach Sunday school to.  The love of the body of Christ has been so clearly displayed so many ways to me in the last couple weeks, and that's a work of God.  Amazing. And words cannot nearly come close to express the immense way God has displayed His love and glory through all these things.  I love this quote by Jonathan Edwards:

“God is the highest good of the reasonable creature. The enjoyment of Him is our proper; and is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Better than fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of any, or all earthly friends. These are but shadows; but the enjoyment of God is the substance. These are but scattered beams; but God is the sun. These are but streams; but God is the fountain. These are but drops, but God is the ocean.” 

All these things that I have just listed are merely scattered beams.  They point to something greater, and the only way I can rightly enjoy them is to know that God is the source.  The enjoyment of Him as Edwards has so eloquently said, is so very much sweeter than any of these things, however dear they are to my heart, God is still dearer.  I praise Him for all these sunbeams because they are a displayed of His rich love, grace and glory.  It is true that He lavishes us with His grace, and it is also true that is for the praise of His glory! So to Him be the glory and praise for all these things.  What wondrous love He's given.

Overwhelmed with thankfulness,

Willa