Yet at the same time there is this aching feeling about leaving "home" again, and saying goodbye to everyone from my home church, and my family. Funny as it may seem to some people in so many ways the hardest most heart wrenching, tear jerking goodbye is to all the 3-6 year olds that I've had the privilege of teaching God's Word to for my churches Children's ministry this summer. I cannot explain or fathom the love I have or the place in my heart these children and their families have. All I can say is that it is a gift from God Himself, because I certainly don't have the capacity for it in my mere humanness. I spent so much of my summer, and even much of my time last year at school praying for and thinking about these dear little souls (I had the joy and privilege of teaching the same group before I left for school a year ago.) I pray so often for their little souls, and for their families, their parents. I'm humbled over and over again at the privilege I have to have some part in their little lives.
My heart nearly melts all the way to the floor at when they call me "Miss Willa," or even "Teacher." I'm so humbled and tremble at the fact that God has entrusted me with this class of little ones to teach His Word to. I'm humbled because I know that I am so inadequate for the job in so many ways, and I'm humbled because I'm teaching His holy Word. I rightly should tremble at that fact. Preparing to teach them is a means of God's grace because its a reminder how utterly dependent on Him I am for all things, because I know I have to beg for His Holy Spirit to guide me to rightly teach and divide His Word, and I'm accountable to God and His Word for how I teach them. It's incredibly humbling. But with all my heart I love these kids. I love when I see them sharing, caring for each other, and telling to me with much enthusiasm just how big Jesus is. I love when I ask who wants to pray at snack time and 3 of them excitedly volunteer. His glory and beauty is displayed so many times in their little lives. I love their joy, their love, and their curiuosity. I love and it is the pure joy of my heart to teach them. They have so much of my heart. I have happily given much of it away to them. I have poured it out and I'd do it again in an instant and a thousand times over! So even though it hurts so much to have to leave and say goodbye to them, especially because I seriously fear that they might forget me before I come back, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. The truth is that God loves each and every one of them more than I ever could. The love He's given me for them is unexplainable to me, and it's truly the joy of my heart to serve Him in that way, but He loves them infinitely more than I ever could.
This past Sunday was my last Sunday of teaching them before I go back to school, and afterwards I couldn't help but cry, and I've cried again since them because I don't want to say goodbye. I know it hurts more because I'm leaving part of me with them, but I keep thinking about this verse "For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it." (Mark 8:35). The utmost desire in my heart has always been for God's name to be made great among these little ones and for them to come to true saving faith in Him. So I think in many ways part of "losing my life" for Him is being willing to pour into the lives of these little ones with all my heart, and then trusting Him when I have to say goodbye, even if it's just for a season. Loving on, teaching and pouring into these children has been such a lesson that God brings people and opportunities in and out of my life depending on each season. He is always good and His plan is always beautiful and good. My heart has to be one that is willing to pour into others for His sake and the sake of the gospel, and to trust Him when I have to say goodbye. It's so hard, and I literally feel like I'm leaving behind most of my heart with a group of precious 3-6 year olds, but it's absolutely worth it for His name's sake and the gospels sake. I'd do it again, in a heart beat.
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